writing is not something that comes to me naturally. for most of what i feel i'm good at --- read: most of what i allow myself to do --- feels like something i have to do. anything i do, it's because i have to do it. this has amounted to little more than art and sleeping for as long as i can remember.
something changed recently. i think that we can all feel that something is happening. laymen by and large cannot appreciate the time it took for global extinction events to occur. that's not our fault. dates and times are for work schedules or planning dates with loved ones. time, though, has not meant anything to me for too long. i'm not sure how long it will take for me to grieve this, or if the grieving will ever stop.
identifying the grief was no small feat. the time i spent navigating was and will be worth it if only to familiarize myself with being recognized, loved, and appreciated. it does not matter how much i do from now on.
signpost
you are more likely than not here because you are already aware of me (at time of publishing). this is the only time i'll be meta about where i've been.
tumblr was a terrible place. i to this day despite massive personal growth cannot give good faith commentary about how wretched i found it; find it. it's one of these terrible social simulacrums that have swept the world like any other but it is hideous at the two things it pretends to be: a blogging website and forum for discussion. in the end, it felt impossible to feel like i was talking to anyone else. i'd cry wolf about how we're all wasting our lives and delete it for its embarassing emotional honesty. i find the way people interact with others on there generally disgusting. i don't appreciate what the framing of a blog as social media platform does to how writing should be performed and how that changes how it's read.
i think it cheapens my work here though to treat this place like a hovel away from Social Media. leaving tumblr did not feel like this epic excision of some festering Posting Gland. i just left. when i don't want to do something, i don't do it anymore. as such, i am now running a website because i want to do it. i'm currently only on one other website that isn't this one, but it's not time to reveal that one yet.